


Skeptical Scully and the Simple Solution

by abrae



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-08-10
Updated: 2001-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-26 07:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/280116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrae/pseuds/abrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A seriously silly story. AU post season 7.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skeptical Scully and the Simple Solution

Once upon a time...

*****

"Mulder, what are you doing?"

"I wrote a story today."

"He's only six months old, Mulder."

"Are you going to let me continue?"

*****

Once upon a time, in a solitary cell sequestered deep in the subterranean recesses of a sinister citadel, there lived a serious swain named Sad Spooky, whose only source of satisfaction was studying strange sightings and similar situations. One day -

*****

"You have got to be joking."

"Just listen to the story, Scully. It gets better."

"It would kind of have to..."

"Simpleton."

*****

One day, while Sad Spooky sat silently in his solitary cell, staring at secret slides, a svelte scientist stopped by and spoke a sweet salutation.

"Hello, Sad Spooky," she said. "I'm Scientist Scully, and I think you're sort-of silly."

"How come, Scientist Scully?" said Sad Spooky, soberly.

Scientist Scully smiled and said, "Since all you do is search for strange stuff, and I know such stuff simply isn't substantial."

Sad Spooky scowled and said, "See here, Skeptical Scully -"

*****

" _Skeptical_ Scully, Mulder?"

"What? Am I wrong?"

*****

"See here, Skeptical Scully," said Sad Spooky. "I can substantiate my singular studies, and then you won't surmise that I'm silly anymore."

Saying this, Sad Spooky seized Skeptical Scully's slender hand and squired her away from the sinister citadel. Sad Spooky sauntered, while Skeptical Scully scampered -

*****

_scowl_

*****

\- and together they scoured cities, cemeteries, and similarly strange spheres for any sign that Sad Spooky wasn't seriously insane. But, although our sad swain saw some surprisingly startling sights, Skeptical Scully never did. After several years of searching, she still supposed Sad Spooky to be a silly soul.

Meanwhile, Sad Spooky had started to see that Skeptical Scully was a superlatively sexy senorita -

*****

"Mulder!"

"What? He's only six months old - he doesn't even understand."

"Then why did you write him a story?"

"Who said it's for him?"

_sigh_

"Senorita, Mulder?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"I can think of one..."

*****

So. Sad Spooky had started to see that Skeptical Scully was a superlatively sexy senorita, but she never seemed to sense the subtle shift in his sensibilities. She subconsciously seduced him with sensuous shoes, silky skirts, and sublime scents, and Sad Spooky started to see that he would have to show Skeptical Scully how serious his feelings were, before his cerebellum snapped.

So one sunny day, as Sad Spooky and Skeptical Scully sat sipping sodas and snacking on sandwiches, Sad Spooky turned to her and said shakily, "Say, Skeptical Scully, we seldom share our secrets with each other..." Skeptical Scully seemed suddenly shy, and she shifted sideways in her seat.

"That's true, Sad Spooky," she said softly. "Shall we?"

Sad Spooky sniffed and said, "Sure. Starting with you."

Skeptical Scully stared at Sad Spooky for several seconds. Then she slowly said, "I'm suffering from a serious situation."

Sad Spooky was scared, but Skeptical Scully smiled and said, "Not that serious. You see, I seem to have stopped thinking you're so silly, Sad Spooky."

Sad Spooky stared back at sweet Skeptical Scully.

"And I don't think you're so Skeptical, Scully."

Skeptical Scully smiled again, saying, "So, what do you think I am, Sad Spooky?"

Sad Spooky spoke self-consciously, a shy blush stealing over his face. "I think you're sublimely sweet...scandalously sexy...seriously seductive..."

Sweet Scully sighed, "Silly Sad Spooky. I wish I'd seen your feelings sooner. I felt the same..."

Sad Spooky snuggled closer. "Then what shall we do?" he slyly said.

Sweet Skeptical Scully shrugged and said, "The solution is simple. Stay with me."

And so he did.

*****

"Stupid, but sweet."

"See? Told you it got better."

"I didn't say 'better'."

*****

And they had spectacular sex.

*****

"Stop while you're ahead."

"Sorry."

*****

And he sired a son.

*****

"I mean it."

*****

But he still studied strange stuff, and, then, so did she.

*****

"The superlative sex will soon cease if you don't silence yourself, Mulder."

"Stingy."

"Shut up and kiss me, Spooky."

*****

~finis~


End file.
